On attraction

I realise that this blog is going to make some people go oowghgwgh.... but it it time to say. I find Chris Evans really attractive and always have. I remember the first time I saw him on TV; it was probably the Breakfast show that he did and thinking 'oh he's nice' and then thinking 'oh I shouldn't be thinking that.' I know he has ginger hair and this is not a thing that normally does it for me (although sometimes it looks strawberry blonde and that's OK) and I know he reminds me of someone and that is definitely not a good thing.

I watch him on The One Show and I am becoming obsessed with his hands. He has small hands, hands that have probably never done a hard days work physically, small and slim but still manly. I just find them fascinating, I can't stop watching them and I know I would really like them to touch me. Now before everyone thinks this is some real pervy sexual thing I think I would be happy just to meet him and shake hands (see get that out of your mind). I also love his smile - its a little wonky and strange and happy and sad, if you get what I mean.

I know he dyes his hair, he says so on screen. Normally this would probably put me off somewhat but then he is a celebrity and I dye my hair so why shouldn't he. He has got a good sense of humour though and he always seems very alive, alert, and outgoing. I like that. He tries to keep that sour faced Welsh girl laughing (although she will never have a sense of humour).

I hope he is kind - this is always my biggest thought about someone famous. I would like to read his book but don't want to end up not liking him. I read the Paul O'Grady book and thought he was an absolutely horrible person - it has just put me right off him. My daughter told me last night (I didn't tell her about my attraction we were just talking about him) that Chris used to be married to that awful 'dog chopped' presenter of 'Loose Women' when he was young - I find her annoying, in fact annoying odd, so that could be a bad sign. But he was young. He was also married to Billy Piper but she has always come across as OK and he still talks about her with real affection.

So all I do is snuggle in front of the TV on Friday tea times and sit and watch Chris Evans on The One Show and think about his hands, think about how he looks like someone I once liked and think about how I once was a person who might have wanted to shake his hand.

Sad, I know, sad but kinda nice.


Dix

Ps I am attracted to Chris Evans but lets get this straight - he ain't no Richard Hammond.

On Tiredness

The trouble is I am often tired - I mean really tired. So tired it is hard to do anything. When it hits me in the evening sometimes I can literally do nothing but go to sleep.

Work makes me incredibly tired. Even though I only do shortish shifts - sometimes I am absolutely exhausted. I sit down and that is it - almost like I just can't do anything else but sit and sleep.

I don't think this is normal - some people seem to be able to fit huge amounts into their days. They work and socialise and garden and still seem to get up early and stay up late. I can get up early, although I can never just wake up and get up. It always takes me at least half an hour of turning off the snooze on my mobile phone before I am able to get out of bed. Sometimes longer. I am never firing on all cylinders first thing either. I used to be able to stay up late, be awake and alert at all hours and full of life. I realise that my weight and stress has not helped in this and know that if I eat a better diet I always feel better but even so most days I could sleep 10 hours and still feel tired.

I don't sleep 10 hours - mostly I sleep 7 or 8 - but even so much of the evening is spent just chillin' out and getting nothing done.

I am 50 now, I manage to walk the dog every day for at least an hour (so that is good and it certainly keeps me sane), sometimes I cycle long distances with boy (15 miles plus), I try to walk instead of parking close by, swim when I can afford it and love being outside. These are all good things - I know they are and I feel proud of them.

But just sometimes I am so tired my body is screaming inside that I must lie down and go to sleep. I literally must. I am able to overcome this sometimes by just standing up and walking around but I always pay the cost for this - lots of aches and pains and then can't sleep when I need to.

Is this just old age? Is this about being overweight? Is it about stress? Or is it just me?

Dix

Tuesday 2nd March

1970 - The Prime Minister of Rhodesia Ian Smith, declared his country a republic.

I remember this, I don't think he really wanted to do but kinda had to. Things were changing in the world and Rhodesia couldn't stay the same, although South Africa hung on for a while. I think it was a really good thing but something is nagging in the back of my mind? Maybe I should look it up.

Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.

Hmmm, don't think so - isn't that just being a coward - if someone needs to hear the truth then I believe it should only be said with love and then you stay to listen to their opinion and be prepared to be wrong. Or you say it to someone you dislike and stand there to watch the fall out. Or maybe you just run!

**********

On a personal note today is my nephews 40th birthday and god it is making me feel old. I will say I was only 8 when he was born (so now you know how old I am) but I remember he was such a lovely little boy - so gentle and really beautiful. Don't get me wrong he is still a good person, a nice man and a good father. (And he hasn't had the easiest of lives so even greater to him than man he has become) but wow it has just made me feel really old. It will only be a couple of years and my eldest will be 30 - should I take to my bed now??

Mind you it's my 50th next year - hope I am here to celebrate it.

Feeling old

Boy has discovered Facebook - and enjoying talking to his mates on it - and a girl whose initials are written on his rubber???? Anyway he asked me today what does 'kwel' mean? I didn't have a clue and neither did him. I desperately tried to work it out, something beginning with kiss or kick - huh, but nothing came to mind. I began to think about swalk and norwich and hoped that wasn't it.

What does 'kwel' mean - you probably know but it means 'cool' yes 'cool' so one perfectly good four letter word with a pretty unambigious meaning is replaced with another slightly confusing four letter word. Why??

Most of the text type speak I hate - l8r, lol, etc - I do occasionally use IMHO which is really old fashioned but when my younger mates, or friends kids send me messages I can't read I just get frustrated and angry. For god sake we have predicted text use the full word and hey, how about some punctuation - it's great and makes us all take a breath.

Sometimes being dyslexic makes words confusing enough but this language, well it alienates me and I hate that.

So you see I am just old and grumpy and just not happening and down with it (or some such thing).

Life

It occured to me today, that if life is a race than I am just happy to be running and not sure that winning really matters anymore.

by DiH

Selling aprons

My mother used to sell aprons in a local department store. In the 70's most women wore aprons whilst doing the housework so they were big business. What type of apron you wore kinda defined your class and status. My mother sold them all from her neatly folded and carefully placed display on the ground floor near the back entrance.

My mother sold the pink and blue tabards, that had a strip either side that buttoned up with neat white buttons. Many ordinary housewife's wore them - sort of middle/lower middle class women. Not those that still scrubbed the door step.

She sold the full overcoat overalls, in full block colours of pink or white or blue, maybe trimmed with a white strip and neat white buttons. Some of the fancy ones had large silver poppers up the front and were made of a strong cotton. These needed lots of ironing, but were more for the middle/upper class. Although 'nice' women wore their underwear underneath - others answered the door to the milkman commando.

My mother also sold the smaller shield shape aprons, the ones that tied around the waist by long ribbons of matching material. The good ones often had contrasting frills around the main body of the front that fluttered around the outside. These were much cheaper and often plainer, made of polyester or nylon, so easy to care for and even then considered old fashioned, only preferred by more mature ladies.

All aprons were made of cotton, or cotton mix (they had to be ironed but could be boiled and so kept spotlessly clean), or polyester or nylon. The nylon ones were often patterned and more brightly coloured and much easier to dry but not necessarily preferred as they inferred lower status.

My mother tied the stand constantly, folding and re-folding the aprons; she kept the area spotless and incredibly neat. She chatted to her customers because there was always time to talk. She talked to the staff from other departments nearby. It was a friendly area. There was always time for the old ladies who probably didn't need another apron but like to come into the store for their lunch in the cafe and a chat with the staff. They came in on the bus every Wednesday because Wednesday was market day.

My mother also sold tea towels and wash clothes and small hand towels.

DiH

An email on age.

I have had a crap week at work and spent most of the weekend getting wood chopped for the winter (to help save money and keep my lovely woodburner roaring in the lounge). So have had no time to blog. I start two nights a week darts which is gonna make me knackered and the diet has gone out of the window in the last couple of days. Oh well good news is I am on holiday next week and really looking forward to it. I am gonna do lots of christmas presents, try and work on the stuff I am trying to make. Think it could be fun.

Anyway quickly, I got sent this email by my lovely friend Anne (more on her another time) and wanted to share it with you. I am 47 and my next big birthday will be 50 so I kinda get the email. I wish I could find happiness in my work because if I did my life would be pretty good. But guess I can keep working on that.

George Carin on age.

(Absolutely Brilliant)

IF YOU DON'T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON.

George Carlin's Views on Ageing.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?'

'I'm four and a half!'

You're never thirty-six and a half.

You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?'

'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life . . You become 21.

Even the words sound like a ceremony YOU BECOME 21 YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling.

What's wrong?

What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa!

Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away.

Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!!

You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!

After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch;

you TURN 4:30 ;

you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become alittle kid again.

'I'm 100 and a half!'>

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

Old age and Funny sad emails

A friend sent me this email. I get loads of these funny, sad and frankly soppy mails and normally I just read them and pass them on or delete them. But there was something about this one I liked. Maybe I am just in that kinda mood. I am very tired and a little sad so guess it was the right time. Working again today and really don't want to. Hope day goes well and I just get through it. Working again tomorrow as well. Oh well. It all earns the money.

Ps think I have managed to put the time right at last.

Enjoy.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.

Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, the sagging butt and expanding belly. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become nicer to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, (I have learnt to enjoy it) or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's, 70’s and 80’s if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love or a sad romantic film, I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set (and the freezing cold) they, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair and turning gray, to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

A very quick note

I am going to the Norfolk show tomorrow and to be truthful I am quiet anxious about it. I think it will be hard work and very tiring. Pushing a wheelchair around anywhere is hard but I think the Norfolk Show will be particularly difficult. I think it is my age. Suddenly after turning 40 life appears to be taking its toll. Yet strangly I have probably achieved more in what seems like less time. (I feel another blog in this line - life after 40).

I have caught up a little at work but have lots to do before next Tuesday but I am sure I will be ok with hard work and much less sleep.

My mind has not been particularly creative today - I guess ideas don't come all the time. Although I like it when they do.

My early morning walk on the beach was wonderful - I just loved it. What can be better than walking along the sea edge and feeling that life is just worth living. I wished my house overlooked the sea - with coastal erosion that is a possibility in the next 50 years. I don't expect to be here to see that but one never knows.

Hope tomorrow goes well.