Waiting Day

For the sun to come up
For the alarm to ring
For the daylight to come
For the kettle to boil
For my coffee to cool
For the toaster to pop
In the queue for the bus
For the bus to arrive
For the people to move
For the lift come down
For my boss to command
For my computer to load
For my emails to open
For the phone to start ringing
For the phone to stop ringing
For the time to be noon
In the queue at the sandwich bar
For the pm to start
For the photocopier to copy
For the emails to delete
For my letters to print
For my computer to shut down
In the queue for the bus
For the people to move
For the front door to open
For the news to come on
For the microwave to ping
For my dinner to cool
For the documentary to start
For the documentary to finish
For the sun to go down
For the darkness to fall
For the day to end
For sleep to come

By Dix

Just not sure how to punctuate this so didn't - can anyone help, don't want to just put loads of commas and not sure about full stops. Help.

Toilet Book

Am I the only person who has a toilet book? I understand that this may be a masculine trait but I just find it a nice quiet time to sit and read from a book that naturally leads to little snippets. Poetry is the best. I like finding little poetry books in second hand shops and reading them whilst taking a little time in the bathroom (if you know what I mean). I understand that some people find this, well disgusting, especially my friend JC but for me it is just a way to find a little quiet space and do what I most enjoy - that is reading. Poetry works really well because it is easily read in small moments but allows me to gain understanding and enjoyment.

I guess in my generally busy life anything that allows me a quiet time to read is just such a bonus. Although I am never alone! The dog and sometimes both cats have to come and see what I am up to.

Book Review - unless by Carol Shield

This year has been difficult financially and one of the consequences of this has been that I have not been able to buy many new books so I have taken to scouring the car boots and charity shops trying to find interesting reading. I decided that is was often difficult to find good books and to identify books that might be a bit more challenging or interesting. So my method was to look for anything that may have been shortlisted for an award or picked out by book clubs eg Richard and Judy etc. It hasn't always worked but mainly has been a pretty good method.

unless by Carol Shields was shortlisted for the Orange Prize for Fiction 2003 and sounded interesting. I was unsure when I started the book whether it wasn't going to be so good but I kept with it and in fact it turned out to be an amazing read. The basic story is about a woman writer who lives a good life with her family until one day her eldest daughter just leaves everything behind to sit on a street corner with a sign that says 'goodness'. I feel the book explores many themes; family, woman roles, politics, the nature of publishing, women's working life, etc and for the most does them well. I think perhaps that the feminist ideas in the novel aren't quite clear enough (neither weak or strong) but other themes help to balance the novel well. I would definitely read another piece of her work.

Dix

Various Voice Harold Pinter

I was given this book as a birthday present and have read it in little 'snippets' over the year. I have always like Pinter but have to admit to not always fully understanding his work (maybe that is what Pinter wanted?). I really enjoyed reading his poetry although some of it was, I guess beyond me, and some - particularly the later work and his political work) I have found extraordinary. I feel that once he was aware of his illness and his own mortality that his work became more empathatic and certainly easier for me to connect to. I enjoyed the short fiction and found this very inspiring but most of all I enjoyed his interviews and that he was not afraid to pass an opinion, not afraid to have a political view, even though this must have affected his career. He was very knowledgeable on American politics and talks at length about this (I must admit it did become a bit overdone in places) but also refreshing - if that makes sense. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand Pinter (the writer and the man) and is willing to explore his work with an open mind. And because it is presented in small snippets and pieces presents a perfect opportunity to do this. My copy is written on (in pencil) when I found pieces that amazed or interested me (I know some people find this terrible to write on books but I find it helps when revisiting them). Anyway here is a small piece that I particularly liked, more may follow. Thank you Harold Pinter.

Democracy

There's no escape.

The big pricks are out.

They'll fuck everything in sight.

Watch your back.

Harold Pinter - March 2003

Not earth shattering I know but still so relevant - don't you think?

Dix

An end of an era

My friend JC has gone. Moved on to her new life (training to be a secondary school teacher) and I am really pleased and excited for her. I know she has been stuck in a rut and finding it difficult to be optimistic about the future and that this is definately the right thing for her. Good Luck JC.

Trouble is I feel like I am left behind. Some of it is because of the life decisions I have made eg taking on boy and taking time out of work to help him settle in and adjust. (I don't regret this decision as he has needed that time and we have needed the space). But some of the things have happened to me eg my husbands financial mess, his health issues and general massive problems around money. Not being able to find a job as good as the one I had and not being able to fulfil any of my creative potential either through getting a job or managing to do more at home.

But just as I am sad and a little afraid with her moving on and not having anyone to attend 'creative events' with anymore I also realise that I have to take control for myself. I have to start writing everyday and make sure I make time for this, make sure I am brave enough to attend events on my own (although this will be hard with no one to bounce ideas off) and just make sure I get back into thinking creatively and being nicer to myself in lots of ways. This is in my hands - not anyone elses.

Boy goes back to school on Monday (a new school and we will all be a little afraid and need some support to get over this last hurdle) and hopefully 'him' will be signed off by hospital and be able to drive by Wednesday and then be able to really actively look for a job. But even if he can't find a job immediately (I have to believe he will find a job eventually or how can we keep going) that I will make time for myself, make time to read and to write and be myself. No excuses - I have to.

I am starting 2 courses in the next couple of weeks - a fostering one and a diet and health one. Both of these I hope will help restart my brain but also help me gain confidence in myself and what I have and am achieving. Only I can make this happen - only I can see the 'glass half full' again.

Wish me luck.