A poem I love

Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving, but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no, no, no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Stevie Smith
(September 20th 1902 - March 7th 1971)

I remember the first time I heard/read this poem and it just 'blew me away' and it still has an amazing impact on me. Some might say it has become a 'cliche' poem but not for me. The words mean so much to me in many ways, some that I can't even explain. I always want to read it out loud and let the words wash over me, each line, each word making me feel, making me think. I hope this is what poetry is supposed to be like, I know that this poem will always be wonderful to me and always mean so much. I guess I have answered my own questions.

Daily Info

Friday 26th - 1993 a bomb exploded under the World Trade Centre, killing six people and injuring many.

I feel I should know more about this - I remember it obviously, but no detail. I think I should know more.

If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?

All I can say to this is - What a load of ********

27th - 28th - 1824 the birth of Frenchman Charles Blondin, who crossed the Niagara Falls by tightrope.

I think there has just been a documentary about this on TV, must admit I didn't see it. Think it must have been interesting just to know why he did it?

Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer.

I think this is true but wonder if you ever get to know if you forget to answer it, or miss it or is it just an opportunity that passes us by that we never know about. Hmmm....

Wed & Thurs

24th - 1955 More than 70 British roads were blocked by snow during the 'Big Freeze.'

Instead of counting your days, make your days count.

These sayings are so helpful, not, sometimes life is about counting days and others about days that count . I am not sure which is me at the mo - I think trying to make the days count.

25th - 1972 British miners voted to end their crippling 7-week strike.

I remember this time so clearly. As a very young, but already gaining Socialist ideals this felt like a terrible defeat. It felt like things were going to change forever. Somethings needed to - some Unions were using their power as badly as politicians but it was sad to see honest working men defeated, families broken and the understanding the whole communities would change forever. And it did change politics forever, I think this was the point when money, power, corruption all that is bad in our country took over. When banks didn't care about customers anymore, when money became king. It meant Margaret Thatcher could happen. Not good, not good.

We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.

Unfortunately this is so true - in both a wider and a personal context. I think it should also say 'and so we suffer the consequences from our inability to learn from history.'

Morrison's Cafe

Last week I went to Morrison's Cafe with my friend.

We wanted cake.

I had a machine dispensed milky coffee in a big yellow cup that was the size of a mug.

It was chipped on the base.

She had a Pepsi.

We chose cake.

Desert apple pie and cream then a toffee pie and shared, bottoms and tops.

My friend chose a table in the middle of the room near an irritating child and shouting mother.

I sipped my manufactured coffee and stared around the cafe.

What's this - a face I recognise?

A face from the TV?

Now who is he?

Ah yes, he used to be Martin Platt on Coronation Street, I'm sure.

Definitely a lovey type wearing a darkly patterned shirt and clashing Tweed jacket.

I couldn't see the bottom half it was under the table.

I stared, rudely and wondered should I speak.

What would I say?

I don't even like Coronation Street and apparently he left ages ago.

My friend knew the details.

He was written out after having an affair with a younger woman and leaving (the character of course, not the man in the clashing clothes sitting in Morrison's Cafe).

My coffee cooled too quickly and frothed around my lips leaving a taupe moustache.

I wiped it with my sleeve.

My friend had read he had changed careers.

He left the show to make cheese!

I choked and spat taupe froth widely.

22nd and 23rd

22 - In 1979 the Caribbean island of Saint Lucia became independent from the United Kingdom.

This is something I feel I should know about - I am definitely old enough to remember it in the news but must admit it 'rings no bells'.

Forever is composed of nows.

I quite like the idea of this - as if every moment matters, each tiny second, each minute. It is an optimistic view point and one I feel I should be adopting.

23 - 1820 - London police exposed a plot to murder George IV's cabinet ministers.

Hey someone definitely had the right idea in the 1820's.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.

I had a good laugh about something yesterday, can't remember what is was but do remember feeling like a load had lifted - strange isn't it. We should all make a real effort to laugh more, to find humour in our life - it feels good for the soul.

Why do I keep blogging this stuff?

Thursday 18th - 2005 fox hunting with dogs became illegal in England and Wales.

And if you believe that you believe anything - please don't get me started on this issue. What the hell make us so bloody barbaric!!!!

If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.

This is so true - I have trouble with my feet and sometimes the pain is really unbearable - crippling actually. It certainly does make you forget any other worries. Perhaps I should bind my feet then I wont worry about anything else.

Friday 19th - Serfdom was abolish in Russia.

I must admit I really have no idea what this means. Would just say that what ever name you give it slavery definitely still exists and is around us all the time.

Go the extra mile. It's never crowded.

Um, maybe, maybe not. Think where I am going there is not going to be much room to breath.

Sat 20th/Sun 21st

20th - birth of American landscape photographer, Ansel Adams

Strange thing is I think I know who this is. I love photography and I love looking at the historical books around photography. I was lucky enough to do some great research during my time at Uni and some of the works I found around poverty and destruction just blew me away. Hope to continue with my photography sometime.

Improvement begins with I.

Don't you just hate these sayings. I've always thought 'I' just begins with being self centred and selfish but hey maybe that is a successful strategy to life.



Why do I blog quotes and sayings - because at least it is doing something, making my mind think and putting something on-line. Not much, not very interesting but something. I have something to put in my writing diary and sometimes it gives me inspiration for other ideas and for creativity.

And at the end of the year I will have lots of entries on my blog.

Tues & Wed

Tuesday 16th - 2005 The Kyoto Protocol came into force, addressing climate change.

And has that been a huge success??

In today already walks tomorrow

I find this idea a bit worrying, lets get one day over before we start a new one.

Wednesday 17th - 1867 the first ship passed through the Suez Canal

I remember watching a program about how many men died during the 'building' of the Suez Canal - it was very sad.

It's easy to make a buck.

It's a lot tougher to make a difference.

It ain't so easy to make a buck - believe me - and even harder to keep it.

Make a difference to who???

More useless blog information

Friday 12th - 1809 the birth of pioneering English naturalist, Charles Darwin.

It seems unbelievable but his anniversary last year proved that this could still be a contentious statement.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.

Saturday 13th/Sunday 14th - in 1984 (14th) British ice dancers, Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean, triumphed at the Winter Olympics.

I remember this being a big deal at the time but I just couldn't get into to it. I remember watching it and thinking OMG this is so boring. Don't mind a bit of ice skating on TV now although don't go out of my way to watch it but I do understand the importance of a British Gold Medal at the Winter Olympics and how it makes everyone feel good. Anything that makes everyone feel good in these times has got to be great.

Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right.

At the moment my whole life feels like this!!

Monday 15th - the birth of Clare Short, British Labour politician, in Northern Ireland.

She is someone I feel I should know more about - is she a good and worthy person or just another 'dis-honorable' MP. I seem to remember she left under some sort of cloud but was that because she acted badly or because she went against policy - hmm, maybe I should find out.

We should give meaning to life, not wait for life to give us meaning.

At the moment I am trying to understand what meaning my life has. I feel like I am being punished for being a bad person yet what have I done that is so bad. I am worried I am going to mess up for 'boy' and worried who is coming to demand money next and worried what is going to break next - including material and health - and just worried to be alive. This is not a good state to be in and all I can do is try and concentrate on being a good carer for 'boy', keeping myself mentally and physically healthy and just getting through each day - I find myself looking for a sign to show me what I have done that is so bad so at least I can learn. I guess I must already know but just don't want to hear it. Oh well at some point it will smack me straight in the face and then I will know if I am strong enough.

Another self-obsessed day - no I not going to let this happen - just let it all out on my blog and then keep going. I think it is ok for my to be a 'sad sack' on my blog - although I think even the few readers I have will get sick of it and move on - or tell me to 'get over it'. Both is ok, both will help me in some way. Blogging helps me in someway.

Boy Racer

Marky drives his blood red
street racer down
consequence avenue.

His boom base boot
beating so loudly
the whole body vibrates
in bang bang tones.

Speeding by a huddled
group of grey haired ladies
who tut tut tut with shaking heads
in nod nod nodding
time to the beat.

Mog

Today and yesterday

11th - King Henry VIII was recognised as supreme head of the Church of England.

10th - In 1940 the premiere of the first Tom and Jerry cartoon, Puss Gets the Boot was shown.

I wonder if it had that spooky odd human figure with the brush screaming at the mouse! She made a kind of echoey sound that always scared me a little when I was a child.

11th - He who gives when he is asked has waited too long.

Hmmmm, for someone who works in the care industry I can see the fatal flaw in this statement, sometimes enabling people to ask for help is more important than the actual help. Otherwise what feels like help becomes interference when really what should be offered is support - support to enable the individual to do what they want or need.

10th - Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.

I wish this statement was true. I am lucky that for me and my circle it is true but I suspect that for many people in the world it is not true and that is why they become lost and lonely. Missing people in the midst of us.

Hen-hen and the Tinsel

This is my Hen-hen, (that's what I call him anyway). I once read a book that said most cats of cat lovers have a least seven names (cute and nice names not bugger off flea bag type of names). I remember thinking that was rubbish but realised that both my cats have at least seven names and maybe more. Anyway every Christmas he can't wait for the tinsel to come out of the roof and to wallow in the box once the lid is removed. He loves tinsel and surprisingly never comes out of it covered in shining little slivers, whereas my home is always covered in the glittery slithers whenever I decorate my room.

Hen- hen is so far, the love of my life. I know sad 'cat women' type of comment but I truly love him. I have another cat and a dog and I love them too but not quite the same. I have lived with a cat for just about the last thirty years, and I have loved them all but really they have all preferred my husband and only tolerated this women who might feed them, let them in and out and occasionally be available if a cuddle is required. They were all female cats. But from the first moment I set eyes on Hen at the rescue centre it has just been true love. He climbed straight on my shoulder and curled around me. He still does this when I lie in bed and he curls around me on my pillow. Even though I can't sleep for his loud diesel like purring and his fur makes my face itch - I love him.

Sometimes I only have to think of him and he will come from where he is sleeping and sit with me, in fact he has just come into the study now and is staring at me - like he knows I am writing about him. He wakes me in the morning and lies beside me when I go to sleep.

He can be an absolute pain, like I am typing on a wireless keyboard because he has knackered the keyboard on my laptop where he jumped up, slightly lost his footing and slide back taking half the keyboard letters with him. And when he wants to go and is not allowed, will literally 'hola' at the back door in the loudest nagging sort of way. I don't give in. My cats don't go out after dark even though we live in a quiet cul-de-sac surrounded by fields. I have spent too many an early morning, 3am roaming about trying to quietly call my cats without waking the neighbours, only to find them sitting on the carport roof watching me and wandering what I am doing at that hour.

But whenever I am sad, or lonely or just having a little weep at some silly film he will always appear and cuddle up next to me. I know sometimes he sits on my lap and uses my skin as a gentle scratching post, but it is done with love. He sits with me all day when I am not well and stays with me constantly when the darkness comes. He is my white savour.

I love him, and wonder what I will do when it is his time to leave. I sometimes feel that he is someone who has come back to look after me. It is the weirdest feeling, like I know him and always have. Silly, I know but it is how I feel.

Sometimes I wonder what I would do if it was a choice between Hen-hen and 'Him' - what would I do? Hen-hen loves me for me, no judgement, just pure love and not because he has too. I look forward to going home to see Hen-hen, I look forward to going to bed for a cuddle with Hen-hen. He is my friend.

Oh dear have I really become this sad cat women - probably but I don't care.

It's Tuesday

Apparently today in 1960 the first star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was for American actress Joanne Woodward.

I can hear so many people under 30 years old going - who????

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.

There are some days when all my thoughts feel big and as such they will not allow me to relish small pleasures. Luckily last couple of days I have remembered why I love walking the dog on the beach, searching the waves for a following seal and hoping to meet my dog walking friends. Will it continue, probably not.

Roger McGough and the Poetry Police

I found this poem today and was really taken by it. I like the work of Roger McGough very much – I think I am inspired by it and hope I aspire to it. I know I am much more Roger M than Carol AD. Anyway read this today and just wanted to share:

The Examination

‘Well doctor, what do you think?’
He took the poem and examined it.
‘Mmmm….’
The clock ticked nervously.
‘This will have to come out for a start.’
He stabbed a cold finger into its heart.
‘Needs cutting here as well.’
This can go.
And this is weak. Needs building up.’
He paused. . .
‘But it’s the Caesura I’m afraid.
Can’t do much about that.’
My palms sweated.
‘Throw it away and start again, that’s my advice.
And on the way out, send in the next patient, will you?’

I buttoned up my manuscript and left.
Outside, it was raining odes and stanzas.
I caught a crowded anthology and went directly home.

Realizing finally that I would never be published.
That I was to remain on of the alltime great unknown poets,
My worked rejected by even the vanity presses,
I decided to end it all.

Taken an overdose of Lyricism
I awaited the final peace
When into the room burst the Verse Squad
Followed by the Poetry Police.

By Roger McGough


There is so much in this work that I love, that I really relate to, that I fully understand and that I wish I had written.

Enjoy

Monday 8th

In 1952 Princess Elizabeth formally proclaimed herself Queen Elizabeth II of England (of England really I suspect it might not be just England) Do you think this calender I am using might be trying to cater for many nationalities?

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.

I really wish this was true - maybe just once in a while. Sometimes it feels like we are just little ants in an ant farm controlled by people much more powerful and much richer. Wish I was the little rebel ant with a tiny little ice pick to smash through and release all the prisoner ants.

But then what would we do? Be responsible for our own destiny or just turn on each other???


Hmmmm....

Catch Up

2nd

Today 1882 the birth of Irish writer, James Joyce

Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious

Sometimes it feels pretty serious!!!
Ps I tried to read some James Joyce and just couldn't get into it. Any advice on what to try

3rd

In 1809 the birth of German composer Felix Mendelssohn

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge


I tried to forgive someone who was really unkind to me once, but deep down just couldn't and still hope that what comes around goes around!!

4th

In 1913 the birth of America’s Rosa Parks, the mother of the civil rights movements

In the book of life the answers aren’t in the back

Where the hell are they then?

5th

In 1919 United Artists, the pioneering American film studio, was launched.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative

Hum, depends how you feel sometimes

6th & 7th

In 1685 James II of England and VII of Scotland succeed his brother, Charles

The first wealth is health

I must be bad cos I want the first and the second

An angry day

Yesterday, Monday, I was angry. I felt betrayed and very angry. And the trouble is I can't really go into here. Maybe later. But just to say and very long string of swear words (with nothing else in between) and a trying to be calming conversation with JC really didn't help. But I will think on it and see if I can find a answer!!!

On Monday 1st Feb in 1896 the world premiere of Giacomo Puccini's opera, La Boheme was performed in Turin.

It's on my bucket list that I would love to see an Opera in full. I must admit our local city theatre does have full length good quality opera being performed so it wouldn't be too hard to tick this one off - maybe this year if I save up hard (and as long as Take That aren't touring!). Must get my priorities right.

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

See above. Yesterday I lost lots of 60 seconds and I am still not sure about how many I will lose today.

Boy has a annual review today, lots of social workers coming to my house, talking in letters and making judgements on him from little snippets of information. Trouble is those little snippets are mainly written about the negatives and not great big hulks about the positive. I feel it is my job to focus on the positive and make that totally over balance the negative. Because that is the truth of him.

And finally - a little bit of politics......

Did anyone notice this week - I would not be surprised if you didn't because it was glossed over fairly quickly - that two MP's had appealed against their expenses claims and had won. So even though they had mad extortionate claims, then been caught out - publicly - all they have to do is appeal, say we didn't really break the letter of the law and hey presto - you can have the money and all is sweet and dandy. Is that how it works? Well is does for MP's, it does for those with power and lots and lots of money already. Because in my mind MP's don't have to think about what is morally correct, they don't have to worry about how millions of people are struggling like hell just to live on less than they claimed for a bloody duck house, they don't have to worry about real people because they have money and power. Our MP's call themselves honorable, the Right Honorable etc etc. I personally would like to have that term removed from there title because man or women, whatever ever their race, creed or age there is nothing honorable about our politicians.

They will be coming around soon -telling us what they have achieved, making promises that they don't even intend to keep or that they will pass a law that looks like it is doing the right thing but is so half arsed that it is not worth the paper it is written on (eg fox hunting) and holding babies. I hope to god they don't come to my door or they just might have an conversation!!!!!!!!