Landlord!

We have let the Cabin - at last. It is only for 6 weeks but it will be a good introduction to see how we get on being Landlords. To see how we cope with having someone live at the bottom of the garden.

The lady moving in seems nice, she has two children about the same age as Boy so he may end up having someone to play with for a couple of weeks. They don't go to his school but live locally.

The money will help for a while.

I am kinda excited and a little scared at the same time. I hope it works out or it could be a pretty grotty time - but going along with my positive thinking. It will work and it will help us financially.

Dix

Sleep

Thursday night I did my first night shift for a while. I have done some research (on line of course) about how to manage staying awake all night better. Firstly I should try and get some sleep before I go to work - I tried this but I really wanted to sleep around 3 pm but had to pick Boy up from school then so tried going to bed around 5pm and just couldn't sleep.

Secondly it said as long as you replace REM sleep which for most people is around 3 hours a night then in one day you can be totally back to normal. So as I had an appointment on Friday I managed to get about 3 hours sleep during the day Friday and then went to bed last night just after 10pm and slept until 9.30 this morning. And I must admit it seemed to have worked. I don't really feel much different (bearing in mind I often feel tired all the time anyway).

I quite enjoyed doing the night - there is no one to bother me, no one to piss me off and I got through the work well. Yes it is tiring and lots and lots of bloody cleaning especially 5 toilets - and you do often miss the next day in bed but hey, it is working at the mo so as far as I am concerned it is a solution.

In the middle of the night I did think to myself why am I just a glorified cleaner with a good degree and lots of experience. But then I thought my choices and things can always get better.

And there is a bit of good news, there is a job that I can apply for online (and in the paper unfortunately but at least I can try and be better than the competition). I am already thinking about how to write my supporting statement (as I feel like this is where it can be lost or won) and the hours of this job although not a lot would help us no end. If I keep thinking positively than things can only get better - right?

Dix

The Big Conversation

Last night I went to meeting about the Big Conversation. The Big Con should it be called. It was a meeting set up to give Foster Carers a voice in the cuts proposed for Children's Services. In other words asking us to think about who we want to cut so that the council and the government can say - look the people wanted these cuts - it was there decision.

As I sat in the meeting all I could think about was the film Brassed Off - this poor woman was optimistically trying to sell us this deal when I think we all knew that the decision had already been made, and that probably ultimately she was as likely to be a victim as us.

The suggestion is that all Foster Carer's will no longer come under the Council but will all be shipped out to Agency (I can't see how this is going to be cheaper but it sure will make some one huge amounts of money). Nobody could answer where Kinship Foster Carers stand in this deal, nobody could answer the question about cuts in Social Workers, Special Guardians, Youth schemes and so on. In fact there was a lot of no information that we were supposed to be discussing.

I left being worried, I left feeling that the most vulnerable people are going to be so badly affected by these cuts, that normal everyday people will lose their jobs and nobody will see it is wrong until we get another Baby P, or someone notices how many children in care end up in prison, or on the streets or worse.

On a personal basis not sure how I am going to manage with out my Foster Care Allowance - it has allowed me to take time out to be Boys parent, to give him time to settle and adjust to family life and if I am truly honest it has given me time to get used to him and being a parent again.

If the money is cut or taken away - will he stay - absolutely bloody yes, will it be hard, absolutely bloody yes. We will both have much less time for him , less money to allow him to do things and much less support from professionals who have supported us through this first year.

We should have more answers in February - or will we just have more flannel, more questions and more anger. Is this really what people voted for? Do we really have to take all the flack at the bottom when bankers and MP's and the very rich get off Scot free?

Glad I never voted for the wankers - don't get me wrong all politicians are the same. What is it 'Power corrupts -well we have certainly seen that with the Lib Dems!

And don't even get me started on the price of diesel!!!


Dix

The Case of Matching Underwear

Firstly I start this blog with a massive apology. JC I fully and completely apologise. I was wrong (as I often am ) and you should take absolutely no bloody notice of me in the future or ever again!!! Well certainly when it comes to clothing advice anyway.

When JC and I first became friends she used to say that she only wore matching underwear (sorry for putting too much info out there JC but need to for this blog!) and I thought it was well, very anal. What did it matter what was under you clothes as long as they were clean and comfortable. But I was wrong.

Recently I have purchased a couple of sets of matching underwear - nothing expensive and from Adsa but pretty and feminine. And there is the rub - wearing matching underwear makes you feel pretty and feminine. It makes me have that little smile inside when I think about it. I don't even mind too much at looking myself in the mirror in them. I think about my pretty underwear and I think about sex (in a good healthy way - I hope) and I think I am pretty, I am a women. This then leads to other positive thoughts. I do have a voice, I can have my dreams, I can get a job that I want. I have value. All from £9 worth of underwear you ask. But yes, it works for me.

As I walked the dog on the beach this morning, in my matching underwear (and believe me my dog walking coat, Deputy Daug hat and big black boots are not sexy at all - just warm) I thought about my mum who always used to tell us to wear clean underwear in case we had an accident. And it was a nice memory and made me smile. And then I smiled as I thought about my pink flowered bra and matching pants (even though I wanted to pull them out of my bum - I managed to ignore the impulse -well you do have to have some class even on the beach and anyway someone is always watching when you think you are alone).

So what have I discovered, that a simple thing like matching underwear can make me feel better, better about myself and then better in the world.

Matching underwear can help me be 'fortified by optimism'.

What I want to learn in 2011 is that the little things can make life alright.

The little things can make life good.

The little things can make life worth living.

Life has its ups and downs (2010 has felt like lots of downs and not enough ups) but I have learnt in January 2011 that wearing matching underwear can make me feel good. That wearing matching underwear can make life feel good. One little lesson for the month to help the world seem easier. Gotta help - hasn't it??

Dix

ps obviously I look nothing like the picture on my blog - it is just an illustration (and anyway I have never worn a thong although I am told they are comfy - think I will give them a miss for now, perhaps an experience for later in the year??)

Examples of Haiku

Kojo

Night, and the moon!
My neighbor, playing on his flute -
out of tune!

Chris Spruck

Faceless, just numbered.
Lone pixel in the bitmap-
I, anonymous.

The first more traditional, the second modern.
I am starting to understand.

Dix

My First Haiku

Please forgive me. This is my first attempt at an Haiku poem. What do I know about the form - that it consists of 17 syllables - 5 in the first line, 7 in the second and 5 in the third. That is my starting point and a game that my daughter got me for Christmas and I brought JC so that we can write Haiku together. Oh well hear goes - not sure this is right but it is an attempt.

Happy dancing, so
precious to swimming limbs in
my melodic time.

Dix

Should Haiku have a title if so, this could be something like Water Dancing. I think I have a way to go to understand the form but hey its a start.

Any suggestions or guidelines or is it back to my Stephen Fry book and Wikipedia!!

Happy New Year

A new year and a new way of thinking - I hope. I know I try these new year resolutions and fail every year but this year I am just gonna try something simple. Being optimistic.

Life will get better for me if I just think it will. I am fortified with optimism.

I am so determined to start and keep writing. All part of the above.

Whilst I was a Uni we had a writer give us a talk (have to say I read one of his books and didn't think much of it - it felt like a poor copy of Ian Mckewen but hey he is published and he did give good advice). This was his advice that I have pasted up on my wall for years.

This was his advice that I share with you:

• have SELF BELIEF (it means more than everything - if you believe you can succeed you will).
• have SELF DISCIPLINE (that means write regularly)
• TALENT - I think this is something you are born with but you can definitely work at it
• WRITE EVERYDAY (that means everyday however much work you have, however tired you are)
• FIND A HOOK - BE MARKETABLE (not easy but helped by lots of reading, being aware of what is being published and what is being nominated and winning awards)

Good advice - all I need to do is follow it!!!!!!?????!