No one was at fault but my New Year's Eve was awful - a total disaster. Probably the worst one I ever had. We had been invited to my sister in laws house and our best mates for a party and we normally go down our local pub. But this year we have 'Boy' so we decided to chose a place we could all go.
Unfortunately 'my other half' was what we call 'sick and bad' all day so I ended up going nowhere. He went to bed and I stayed up with 'Boy' until he went to bed and then I curled up on the settee watching 'Love Actually' again, eating from a huge box of chocolates and drinking a far too strong Pernod. My mobiles recieved loads of messages from people wishing me Happy New Year.
And I wanted to cry - I wanted to cry for missing out on my family and mates down the pub, for getting drunk (which I don't do often - yeah you cry but it is true) and laughing and singing and being happy stupid and kissing people at midnight and not caring about any of it.
In fact I didn't need to sit on the settee wallowing because I could have called up the stairs to let 'him' know I was going out and driven down the pub to have a good time. I could have stayed sober and had a good time.
It would have been fun.
My lesson learnt - stop being sorry for myself and take action - I didn't need to sit feeling lonely and unhappy as my mates would have been pleased to see me - I need to understand that I am loved as I love others (in a friendship sort of way of course) - I will be always be happier regreting what I did than regretting not doing it (if you see what I mean).
The only good think about the evening was I got to text with JC about how creative we are going to be next year (us and Luna). Proper plans being made for writing and blogging and putting work out there.
Watch this space.
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