Anger

Over the last couple of weeks I have recorded and watched a very interesting program on the BBC about anger called 'Losing it:Griff Rhys Jones'. This program has really made me think and want to challenge my own anger and to understand the role it has to play in my overcoming illness.

It was really interesting to understand how angry grows and how the physical symptoms are very recognisable and so can be stopped before getting too strong. Also to understand that some anger is healthy (part of fight or flight) but even then it should be controlled into a positive outlet.

My situation at work has made me very angry, this is becoming an obsession and then it is making me ill. So a solution is possible. Stop being so angry. Should I forgive the person who I feel has wronged me? And is that forgiveness a way of taking back control in a healthy way or it is just a way of being superior to the other person. (That old martyr for the cause or just want to be immortal arguements). But the truth is it doesn't matter because if it makes me well and it makes my life easier and happier then that is ok.

Don't get me wrong some anger is necessary - you have to be able to stand up for yourself otherwise you just become a doormat and others will take advantage. I believe this can't be helped it is our nature as human beings. But you can tell people that their behaviour is not acceptable in a way as to make it clear how you are feeling but without causing greater upset and politely getting your point accross.

I know if I control my anger I will control my obession and then not become so ill and stressed. Also in the program Griff looked at alternative methods to help you deal with anger like physical activity (in his case boxing) but I realised that I could use the Wii to help me physically work out and that walking the dog on the beach already helps. And Buddist meditation. I have wanted to go back to meditating for some time and I feel that will help. This weekend I am going to get my book and tapes out and have another go. It made me feel so wonderful before and certainly helped my mood and illness. And the quiet time is so lovely - trouble was I kept falling asleep.

I really think this program should be shown to everyone to allow them to think about their anger and how they might deal with it better.

Anyway enough of that for now - just go and watch this program online if you can - it is so worth it. In fact I wish I had kept both parts to watch again when I start to feel angry.

A goodbye to my anger (maybe)

****

Send me simmering then

To my grassy grave

Leave the empty fireplace

Liberate the slave

Look last at buttercups

And the carters lane

The blinds are pulled

The kettle boiled

Was it all in vain?

Spike Milligan

31 August 1990