Monday 1 March 2010

Boy Racer (2nd Ed)

Marky drives his blood red
street racer down
Consequence Avenue.

His boom base boot
beats loudly as
the body shell vibrates
in bang bang tones.

He races up to
a huddled group of
shopping bag ladies who
tut tut tut
with shaking heads in
nod nod nodding
time to the beat.

M☻g


I've had a re-write on this - just to try and give it more rhythm (or something). Don't know, think it works better. What do you think?

2 comments:

Just Curious... said...

Yes I prefer this one. It seems to progress to the beat of the heavy bass that is no doubt deafening those around Marky.

glnroz said...

i liked the first one.. I too like this one,,, it has the rhythum you were talking about.