Oh my god I am tired. I have just had three days off and I am knackered. I now have 6 days a day off and then 4 days. Not good when I am already tired. And I have to go in early today.
When I think about my days off I only actually relaxed one day the others were spent either frantically trying to get the garden tidy, or frantically trying to catch up with housework. Neither of which I managed to any great success. At least the weather was ok, if somewhat windy. I only work 30 hours a week, or I am supposed to but in reality I normally do something extra so it is getting closer to full time hours but sometimes I am absolutely exhausted. What is the cure? None I suspect. I am lucky that on the whole I like my job, even when I have a crap day I do like my job. I feel like I am making a difference that people's lives are better for it and if I am truthful others notice that I am making a difference and tell me. That's so nice - to recieve some sort of recognition that what you do makes a difference. I wonder how many people are lucky enough to feel like this - teachers probably, and police and such like. I have had teachers that have totally changed my life and given me so much confidence to move forward and to feel a more complete person. Anyway I am getting off the subject.
But when I get so tired I start to getting grumpy and start to find fault in others (not an easy person to work with), I think everyone should do the job in a certain way and can't understand why they don't. Oh by the way have I said what I do - I'm a support worker for individuals with learning disabilities. And I love the job (I know I mentioned that already!!). So I have been thinking about this week. And decided on my tasks for the week.
1 I will not get grumpy at work - if I start to feel grumpy I will go somewhere else for a while and calm down.
2 I will not talk about or pass my opinion on about other people - just keep quiet and stop giving my opinion - every one is different and difference is good.
Will I manage it - I am going to try but who knows - I will let you know. We have a new guy started work with us who is religious and talks about sinners and being good and it has really made me think. I am becoming the person I really don't want to be. I am becoming that person who feels trapped in the corner and has to come out fighting. And I don't want to be that person. And I want to be a better person. I want to feel better about myself.
I know it is all a very boring mantra but worth a go, don't you think.
My other constant battle is the diet. I have lost 27 and half pounds so far, since January. Not stunningly quick but steady and making a difference. But in the last few days I have been eating really badly, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and this is making me feel ill and tired. So I need to stop this and just get back on course. I need to make it 2 stone and I need to keep going. I have 6 stone to lose (which is an enormous amount) but if I can get my degree I honestly believe I can do anything.
I have just read back over this post and thought what a boring load of twaddle but then it's my boring load of twaddle so that's ok.
Better go, feed the dog, walk the dog, change the cat tray, shower and wash my hair, sort the washing, feed the cats, empty the dishwasher, lock up and cycle to work (weather's good and can't really afford anymore petrol until pay day next week).
Ain't life grand!
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