Poetry
The drab voiced domain of intellectuals
who freely tell you what is not
but never tell you what it is.
Dih
Friday, 3 October 2008
Anger
Over the last couple of weeks I have recorded and watched a very interesting program on the BBC about anger called 'Losing it:Griff Rhys Jones'. This program has really made me think and want to challenge my own anger and to understand the role it has to play in my overcoming illness.
It was really interesting to understand how angry grows and how the physical symptoms are very recognisable and so can be stopped before getting too strong. Also to understand that some anger is healthy (part of fight or flight) but even then it should be controlled into a positive outlet.
My situation at work has made me very angry, this is becoming an obsession and then it is making me ill. So a solution is possible. Stop being so angry. Should I forgive the person who I feel has wronged me? And is that forgiveness a way of taking back control in a healthy way or it is just a way of being superior to the other person. (That old martyr for the cause or just want to be immortal arguements). But the truth is it doesn't matter because if it makes me well and it makes my life easier and happier then that is ok.
Don't get me wrong some anger is necessary - you have to be able to stand up for yourself otherwise you just become a doormat and others will take advantage. I believe this can't be helped it is our nature as human beings. But you can tell people that their behaviour is not acceptable in a way as to make it clear how you are feeling but without causing greater upset and politely getting your point accross.
I know if I control my anger I will control my obession and then not become so ill and stressed. Also in the program Griff looked at alternative methods to help you deal with anger like physical activity (in his case boxing) but I realised that I could use the Wii to help me physically work out and that walking the dog on the beach already helps. And Buddist meditation. I have wanted to go back to meditating for some time and I feel that will help. This weekend I am going to get my book and tapes out and have another go. It made me feel so wonderful before and certainly helped my mood and illness. And the quiet time is so lovely - trouble was I kept falling asleep.
I really think this program should be shown to everyone to allow them to think about their anger and how they might deal with it better.
Anyway enough of that for now - just go and watch this program online if you can - it is so worth it. In fact I wish I had kept both parts to watch again when I start to feel angry.
A goodbye to my anger (maybe)
It was really interesting to understand how angry grows and how the physical symptoms are very recognisable and so can be stopped before getting too strong. Also to understand that some anger is healthy (part of fight or flight) but even then it should be controlled into a positive outlet.
My situation at work has made me very angry, this is becoming an obsession and then it is making me ill. So a solution is possible. Stop being so angry. Should I forgive the person who I feel has wronged me? And is that forgiveness a way of taking back control in a healthy way or it is just a way of being superior to the other person. (That old martyr for the cause or just want to be immortal arguements). But the truth is it doesn't matter because if it makes me well and it makes my life easier and happier then that is ok.
Don't get me wrong some anger is necessary - you have to be able to stand up for yourself otherwise you just become a doormat and others will take advantage. I believe this can't be helped it is our nature as human beings. But you can tell people that their behaviour is not acceptable in a way as to make it clear how you are feeling but without causing greater upset and politely getting your point accross.
I know if I control my anger I will control my obession and then not become so ill and stressed. Also in the program Griff looked at alternative methods to help you deal with anger like physical activity (in his case boxing) but I realised that I could use the Wii to help me physically work out and that walking the dog on the beach already helps. And Buddist meditation. I have wanted to go back to meditating for some time and I feel that will help. This weekend I am going to get my book and tapes out and have another go. It made me feel so wonderful before and certainly helped my mood and illness. And the quiet time is so lovely - trouble was I kept falling asleep.
I really think this program should be shown to everyone to allow them to think about their anger and how they might deal with it better.
Anyway enough of that for now - just go and watch this program online if you can - it is so worth it. In fact I wish I had kept both parts to watch again when I start to feel angry.
A goodbye to my anger (maybe)
****
Send me simmering then
To my grassy grave
Leave the empty fireplace
Liberate the slave
Look last at buttercups
And the carters lane
The blinds are pulled
The kettle boiled
Was it all in vain?
Spike Milligan
31 August 1990
Thursday, 2 October 2008
God I'm tired
Hey, I have another busy day today and I am really tired already. I feel like my head and my heart is going to explode but I have to just keep going. I wish my life was easier; I wish I could make my life easier; I wish I enjoyed my life more. When I think about this I am the only one that can make this happen - and I should. I have before - I can again (I wish i would automatically capitalise in this blog!).
I went to bed at 8.00 pm last night and finished my book and then slept for 11 hours. It was a disastrous evening and I want to put it behind me, be proactive and move on. - No probs.
A few words of Spike to finish I think.
THE FUTURE
The young boy stood looking up the road
to the future. In the distance both sides
appeared to converge together. 'That
is due to perspective, when you reach
there the road is as wide as it is here,'
said an old wise man. The young
boy set off on the road, but,
as he went on, both sides of the
road converged until he could
go no further. He returned to ask
the old man what to do, but
the old man was dead.
Spike Milligan
Dublin
January 1972
Which end of the road am I at? The one converged or the one open to possibilities and life?
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Amazing images
I was sent an email with these amazing images in it. Some of them just 'blew me away' so I thought I would share them with my blog. ***************************************************************************************
Today is wednesday - I loate wednesday's at work. They are awful dealing with grotty atmosphere and foul attitude. Oh well just grin and bear it as it is only for a month but I feel it is going to be a long month.
I read my AOL horoscope every day - just for fun really as I get a regular daily email but today was really odd - and just so on the button that it actually spooked me a bit.
1 October 2008
The desire for advancement, both personal and career-wise, could cause you to consider the possibility of furthering your education in some way, Diana. Someone close to you, probably a woman, could wake you up to the advantages of actually returning to school and getting an advanced degree. You may want to wait a little bit before actually deciding, but something has shifted within you and it's time for some kind of change. Be prepared!
The desire for advancement, both personal and career-wise, could cause you to consider the possibility of furthering your education in some way, Diana. Someone close to you, probably a woman, could wake you up to the advantages of actually returning to school and getting an advanced degree. You may want to wait a little bit before actually deciding, but something has shifted within you and it's time for some kind of change. Be prepared!
I am seriously thinking about going back to Uni to do my MA and am being spurred on by my mate Becky, so you can see this horoscope really fits. Is it just one of those lucky co-incidences or something else?
Another spooky thing happened to me yesterday - I was talking at darts about a funny dream that I had that involved being at West Ham football ground - or one in my dream - and the man next door to me talking about it once being a airport but they shut it down because the planes kept crashing. The last plane to crash was the one my grandfather flew in 1936 that crashed into the English Ocean. (the bit about my grandfather is true, by the way). It was a very really dream even though I have never been to West Ham football ground, don't support them and sure it would be much nicer than the place in my dream. Anyway, when I told this at darts my dart friend Tracey said she had dreamt that night that she was wearing a bridesmaid dress in West Ham colours and it was very weird and she had dreamt about West Ham. Is this some kinda omen to do with a wedding, a plane crash and West Ham - probably not but spooky hey!
Talking about football - which I wasn't really - 'Go on you Reading - a 3 - 0 spanking of Wolves - keep it up and we could be back in the Premiership.'
Have to go to face a crap day at work - oh fuck it!!
Friday, 26 September 2008
First Impressions
Tall. She was very tall, so tall that I had to step back to speak to her. There was no chance of eye contact. Truth is I am not a very tall person so this is not an unusual situation yet it was. I am more used to men towering over me. Don't think I have ever met a woman this tall.
Not that she was a freak or anything. She didn't have those large features that make some very tall people seem odd. Her face although the right size for her body, she definitely wasn't a pin-head, was pretty and her features beautifully sized and shaped. You know a sort of TV face, perfect shaped nose, large brown eyes almost child like but made up with long mascaraed lashes and two tone eye lids that shimmered in brown and gold. Her lips were perfectly full, but not overly like you would want to stick her on the window or think of Lesley Ash!
Her hands were big, but not shovel like with long pianist fingers that were immaculately manicured and the nails painted with a gentle and subtle pink, not to pink or bright as to be common and not too faint either. Her hands were feminine. I didn't find myself searching for a possible Adam's Apple or seeing how huge her feet were, or seeing if she walked legs wide apart and perched on her heels stumbling inappropriately and walking too heavily.
This was all woman.
Not that she was a freak or anything. She didn't have those large features that make some very tall people seem odd. Her face although the right size for her body, she definitely wasn't a pin-head, was pretty and her features beautifully sized and shaped. You know a sort of TV face, perfect shaped nose, large brown eyes almost child like but made up with long mascaraed lashes and two tone eye lids that shimmered in brown and gold. Her lips were perfectly full, but not overly like you would want to stick her on the window or think of Lesley Ash!
Her hands were big, but not shovel like with long pianist fingers that were immaculately manicured and the nails painted with a gentle and subtle pink, not to pink or bright as to be common and not too faint either. Her hands were feminine. I didn't find myself searching for a possible Adam's Apple or seeing how huge her feet were, or seeing if she walked legs wide apart and perched on her heels stumbling inappropriately and walking too heavily.
This was all woman.
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