I hate my job

I know in this financial climate that I should be really thankful that I have a job and in some ways I am. But I am so stuck in a rut. I work relief which is supposed to work that I can pick and chose when I work but the down side is sometimes there is no work. But what it really means is that you are supposed to be available to them whenever they want, up to and including 24 hours a day and then they can just stop using you for no reason what so ever and never give you a reason. Yesterday a member of staff told me that I was 'letting the side' down because I don't want to work 24 hours days (and can't really as I am a foster parent) and that I don't care about the clients or my fellow members of staff.

Perhaps she is right - I don't know. All I know is I have been put on so many times that it is hard to care all the time, sometimes I just want to work and have a life at home and for the balance to be good. Not this crap I am getting.

So I am trying to get another job - desperately applying for lots of school jobs that would provide me with a slightly better income and a reliable structure with time off with boy during the holidays. Trouble is I don't think I am going to get one of these jobs which probably means I never will. I have applied for loads (although not as many as I should as my enthusiasm is really waining) and only had one interview. So what am I doing wrong. Probably not filling in my applications right, not the right experience, don't know the right people etc, etc.

But the truth is I can't keep going as I am. So I am going to have to apply for other care jobs but am so afraid it will be just more of the same. They expect you to do long shifts with sleep ins, they expect you to drop everything for the client but expect to give nothing back. This month I am missing wages again, for the second month running, but have to wait yet another month to catch up.

I so wish I didn't have to work - I know that this is unreasonable and financially impossible but I also know that the worst stress in my life is caused by work.

Wish I believed I could get another job.

Dix