Uhmmm.....

I would like to say I am back blogging but in reality I know I can't. My life is still chaotic most of the time and full of fear of the future. There has been no creativity in my mind for many weeks, not even little doodles and notes in the evening in front of the TV. And strangely at that time I didn't miss it because I had (and maybe have) decide that I will never be a writer, creativity is a silly little hobby that I have been able to pamper over the last few years and now has to go. I hardly seem to have time to keep in touch with friends or family and I certainly don't have time for me.

But truth is you get used to worry - I don't wake up every morning frightened for the future. I know nothing is sorted, I know that any minute another bailiff could come visiting and set me back again. I don't know if I will keep my home, I don't know if I can make a future for 'boy' and I certainly don't know if I will stay with my husband in the future. Yet I do know that I can't live like this. That I have to fight. That I have to try and find a solution, even if it takes years. Hopefully that is the one thing I have - time. Time to sort it out and pay it off and feel alive again.

So I am going to try and blog again - try to write my stories and my funny little poems and talk about writing and art and creativity. I am going to try and be happy.

I still walk the dog on the beach every day - my little bit of heaven. I still enjoy time with 'boy'. I still love my family, I still love my animals, I still care about my friends and miss them. I am looking to find new hope. I know I will have to work full time, I know that I will have to watch every penny in the future but hey at least I can say the word future and hope I am in it.

So if anyone still reads my blog I ask a big favour - just have a little prayer for me - a terribly selfish thing to ask I know - but I just think any strength and courange I can muster will help me feel a future.

Hoping to feel your love.

Diana