BR - Alone in Berlin by Hans Fallada

I picked this book up by chance on a buy 2 get one free offer.(aren't often the best books found this way). I chose it because I liked books based in this period and thought it might be something like The Book Thief, one of my favourite books. I realise I enjoy books based in the second world war.

I was really surprised by this book - firstly it was actually written just after the war, 1947 by a German who had experienced some issues during war time, secondly that it has been translated into English fairly recently (I think).

Don't get me wrong there are places where the story hardly moves at all but the atmospheric is amazing and that keeps it moving alone. It is a very good book - a proper keeper. The main characters are actually based on real people and many of the characters have the reader really hating them even when they come to a sticky end. It is full of people who are hard to like, and some that are hard to understand and some that you try to sympathise with even though you may ask would you be the same

If you are in any way interested in the second world war and want to have an idea of life in Germany for ordinary people - read this. If you just like and interesting historical read - read this - if you are prepared explore history and personalities - read this.

If not - read this anyway - you wont regret it.

Dix

BR - No! I Don't Want to Join a Bookclub by Virginia Ironside

I brought this book from a second hand book shop just because I like the title (and the cover) and took it to London with me because it look a light read and was easy to carry.

I absolutely loved it. It made me laugh out loud - and not many books make me do that. Some of the comments were just really funny. I do except that perhaps you have to be a certain age to see the humour but I am coming up to (or already at) that certain age so it hit home.

It was funny and sad and sometimes when she is worrying about her lodger and worrying about her family and especially her grandson I really get it. It is so easy to be anxious over nothing and something that is rarely portrayed in novels.

I loved the main character, I like the other characters. I liked the plot is was easy to follow and kept moving. I like books that are written in diary form (it almost feels that you are reading someone private thoughts) and I just wanted to keep reading.

This is not an earth shattering, life changing novel. It is not high brow but it is fun and written for adults and well written and has a beginning, a middle and an end. I would recommend it to people and would have been glad if someone had recommended it to me.

If you get the chance (and I must say probably if you are female of at least 40+) read and enjoy. It is definitely worth it.

Dix

BR - the Finker Question

I have just finished this book and to be honest I am not sure why I kept with it. I brought it because I read it was the first humorous book to win the Booker. I thought this sounded good and it was worth a try (I waited until it came out in paperback though as it was expensive in hardback).

I have to admit it had humour in it, it made me smile a couple of times but in the end I felt like I was reading something that was, well frankly, labouring the point. I felt like I was reading something that maybe wasn't really meant for me, that somehow I wasn't in the right club, the right race, the right intellectual band to read this book - and I hate that. I didn't really understand what the question was? The characters were strange, particularly the main character somehow he didn't quite add up - it was full of sadness and did portray that terrible feeling of sadness and loss well. The ending was low and somehow I felt like sadness had won - I know there is a place for endings like this but I have to admit generally they are not so much for me. Nobody felt like they learnt anything and I guess as the reader I felt like I hadn't learnt anything.

It did make me think about being Jewish (obviously I am not) and what that might mean, what that means as an political, racial and identity issue. But somehow it felt like in doing this it was basically 'taking the mickey' and this did not feel comfortable. I realise that might have been what the author was trying to achieve and maybe he wanted us to feel uncomfortable but in doing so I wish I had cared more about the characters - I wish I had cared at all.

This book is not a keeper or something I would recommend to others yet I suspect it may be a book I will remember for a long time - strange that.

So now I have to return to my huge pile of un read books and choose something else. I want to read something that grabs me, that makes me want to turn the page and stay awake and laugh or cry and mostly makes me sad it had finished.

Any ideas.

Dix

Broken New Years Resolutions

I

I always make New Years Resolutions (NYR's) - normally the same old stuff, do more; lose weight; be more; write more; write everyday; get a better job etc, etc, etc.

This year I didn't do all those things - well I did in my mind but mainly I concentrated on two NYR's - one was to be more positive, more optimistic about life. I have tried really hard to do this and apart from when I have been feeling crappy and ill, have tried to keep to it. I feel better for although I still have to regularly remind myself, I like it, I life living life to the positive - it helps - it make life better, it makes life easier.

The other NYR's was to stop buying books. This was really about saving money. As anyone will know who regularly reads my blog, money is tight and in the main I have stop being a consumer - I have had to. But somehow I have kept buying books, normally cheaply new or second hand but was still regularly buying books. In fact I have a massive pile to read and keep thinking one day I will have the time and the energy to just sit and plough through them.

I have failed miserably. It is not yet the end of February and I bet I have purchased the best part of twenty books - some second hand (I am still indulging my passion for second hand poetry books), some cheaply new (the pound shop has some pretty amazing hard backs and I picked one up the other day that was actually signed by the author), some in the Supermarket where £4 can buy a good current novel and today I went to Waterstones and 'bloo' £25 quid on new full price and reduced books.

And you know what I don't feel guilty, I really don't. I love books, I love reading them, I love owning them, I love looking at them and touching them, I love talking about them - I LOVE BOOKS.

So I will continue to buy books (luckily my local town does not have a decent book shop so the opportunity for new books is not so often), I will continue to trade and sell my read books, I will continue to love them. I will continue to find new books, to find other people with the same passion to talk about them. I will continue to buy books.

For what is life without a good book?

Dix

BR - the Fry chronicles an autobiography - Stephen Fry

I really enjoyed this book. My biggest fear was that I would read it and find out that I really didn't like Stephen Fry at all. I read the Paul O'Grady and hated him - his morals particularly put me off. But not so with Dear Stephen. He comes across as a lovely gently kind man and still very much top of the list in people I would like to meet. Strangely his Norfolk home is probably not so far from here and I often hope that I would be walking around a town and meet him. Highly unlikely but I have seen Rick Wakeman twice so I suppose anything is possible.

I realise that Mr Fry comes from a very different social class and background to me, the private school, the top rate University and just the way his life has panned out but somehow that upper crusty ness does not put me off him. I recognise his feelings about himself, confidence problems, I was surprised but pleased to read about his attitudes to sex (sometimes it feels so old fashioned not to want to sleep with everyone you meet) and his family.

There were parts of the book that I found, well a little boring, full of posh bit I guess, but I loved the way he only had nice things to say about people and how he showed real love and respect for his friends. I enjoy watching him on TV, QI is a really favourite (although I hated it at first), even watching the endless repeats. Mind you the fact that I fancy Alan Davies has something to do with it.

I don't think I will read this book again. But I did enjoy it and I am glad I read it. An enjoyable Christmas present. Must admit I will probably pass it on - part of my new years res to move on some more book and stop hoarding.

Happy New Year

A new year and a new way of thinking - I hope. I know I try these new year resolutions and fail every year but this year I am just gonna try something simple. Being optimistic.

Life will get better for me if I just think it will. I am fortified with optimism.

I am so determined to start and keep writing. All part of the above.

Whilst I was a Uni we had a writer give us a talk (have to say I read one of his books and didn't think much of it - it felt like a poor copy of Ian Mckewen but hey he is published and he did give good advice). This was his advice that I have pasted up on my wall for years.

This was his advice that I share with you:

• have SELF BELIEF (it means more than everything - if you believe you can succeed you will).
• have SELF DISCIPLINE (that means write regularly)
• TALENT - I think this is something you are born with but you can definitely work at it
• WRITE EVERYDAY (that means everyday however much work you have, however tired you are)
• FIND A HOOK - BE MARKETABLE (not easy but helped by lots of reading, being aware of what is being published and what is being nominated and winning awards)

Good advice - all I need to do is follow it!!!!!!?????!

Books

It has occurred to me that no matter how difficult this year has been (and my god it has been difficult) and no matter how little money I have that I have still continued to buy books. I know it is the last luxury I need to give up if I am to keep trying to get on top of my finances. I will say in my justification, and even I am not sure if this is an excuse, that mainly I have been buying second hand books not new but still I have an extra massive pile to read.

I have shifted through books on car boots, in charity shops, the Pound Shop and a reasonable second hand shop in town. I justify the second hand shop by taking in bags of unwanted books and trading them. Of course I always buy more than I ever receive credit for but I have managed to clear some shelf space. Most of the best books I have read this year have been from these sources. I don't borrow many books and those I do tend to be non fiction books, because most of my friends read different sorts of genres of books.

I have found a method of identifying books that I might like - firstly the title, it has to grab me somehow, secondly the cover of course, I can't help but be drawn in by a cover that I like, then more importantly and the one thing that will make me buy or discard a book, the blub. If it sounds boring or just doesn't grab me then it returns to the shelves. And finally the one thing that seems to have helped me find some good reads is if the book has been nominated or selected for some type of award or book club. They just seem to be slightly better written and have better plot line, not always but so far I have found it a good success rate - 80 - 90% at least.

The only slight failure in this system has been trying to identify good children's/young teenager book. Firstly there is some real crap out there (any potential author take note and think about doing better - I am) and secondly it is hard to identify the good ones. I have talked in book shops, I have got a list from my friend JC who is training to be an English teacher and just trying to keep looking, even reading Amazon reviews which can be hit and miss. I have read some that are frankly, well rubbish and only one that I thought exceptional (The Boy in the Blue Stripped Pyjamas - see below). I need to research more and understand better but will keep trying.

Even so I have a massive pile of unread book and need to save my money and read some of them and stop buying new. It will help my finances greatly and give me some more space in the house.

Dix

BR - ~Where were you Robert? by Hans Magnus Enzensberger

I read on Amazon that this is considered a good book by a renowned European author. Think I must be missing something. I found the book bitty, hard to follow, the historical information felt wrong and I didn't care about either the main character or any of the other characters.

Did like this cover though.

Not a keeper, straight back to the second hand book shop where I got it - didn't help with children's book research much either except maybe on how not to write it!

Where were you Robert? Who Cares!?!

Dix

Book Review - Spike Milligan The Biography

Now I understand that like many people who suffer mental health illness that there must have been times that he was pretty awful to live with but he had achieved so much and created such wonderful work I just can't believe that this 'author' felt that his illness was the main 'thing' of him. It said in the 'blurb' that this book would use Spike's own writing, particularly poetry to understand the man. It didn't. He does mention his writing, he does say what a prolific writer Spike is but mainly he goes on, and on, and on.... about his illness. So What? We know he was probably a manic depressive, we know that this illness can create amazingly creative people - we also know that sometimes it just doesn't. But what we don't know from this book is enough about his creativity, about his wonderful poetry and humour (and yes I know sometimes he gets it wrong - doesn't everyone).

I did enjoy reading this book - even though it made me angry - and I did learn more about Spike that I didn't know but I am glad I got it second hand cheaply and that I didn't invest too much hope in it. I admit that I have yet to read many biographies that really satisfy me as a reader. I fell they are so often sensationalist or shallow and don't let us really know about the subject.

What did I learn - that Spike suffered terrible 'shell shock' injuries twice during the war and this may be why he struggled in later life and also this may have helped him be more creative and funny and also write wonderful life poetry. He loved his children and women! Do I like his work any less - absolutely not - has it enhanced my understanding of his work - no, not very much.

Not a book I will keep but I guess I am kinda glad I read it.

Book Review - unless by Carol Shield

This year has been difficult financially and one of the consequences of this has been that I have not been able to buy many new books so I have taken to scouring the car boots and charity shops trying to find interesting reading. I decided that is was often difficult to find good books and to identify books that might be a bit more challenging or interesting. So my method was to look for anything that may have been shortlisted for an award or picked out by book clubs eg Richard and Judy etc. It hasn't always worked but mainly has been a pretty good method.

unless by Carol Shields was shortlisted for the Orange Prize for Fiction 2003 and sounded interesting. I was unsure when I started the book whether it wasn't going to be so good but I kept with it and in fact it turned out to be an amazing read. The basic story is about a woman writer who lives a good life with her family until one day her eldest daughter just leaves everything behind to sit on a street corner with a sign that says 'goodness'. I feel the book explores many themes; family, woman roles, politics, the nature of publishing, women's working life, etc and for the most does them well. I think perhaps that the feminist ideas in the novel aren't quite clear enough (neither weak or strong) but other themes help to balance the novel well. I would definitely read another piece of her work.

Dix

An end of an era

My friend JC has gone. Moved on to her new life (training to be a secondary school teacher) and I am really pleased and excited for her. I know she has been stuck in a rut and finding it difficult to be optimistic about the future and that this is definately the right thing for her. Good Luck JC.

Trouble is I feel like I am left behind. Some of it is because of the life decisions I have made eg taking on boy and taking time out of work to help him settle in and adjust. (I don't regret this decision as he has needed that time and we have needed the space). But some of the things have happened to me eg my husbands financial mess, his health issues and general massive problems around money. Not being able to find a job as good as the one I had and not being able to fulfil any of my creative potential either through getting a job or managing to do more at home.

But just as I am sad and a little afraid with her moving on and not having anyone to attend 'creative events' with anymore I also realise that I have to take control for myself. I have to start writing everyday and make sure I make time for this, make sure I am brave enough to attend events on my own (although this will be hard with no one to bounce ideas off) and just make sure I get back into thinking creatively and being nicer to myself in lots of ways. This is in my hands - not anyone elses.

Boy goes back to school on Monday (a new school and we will all be a little afraid and need some support to get over this last hurdle) and hopefully 'him' will be signed off by hospital and be able to drive by Wednesday and then be able to really actively look for a job. But even if he can't find a job immediately (I have to believe he will find a job eventually or how can we keep going) that I will make time for myself, make time to read and to write and be myself. No excuses - I have to.

I am starting 2 courses in the next couple of weeks - a fostering one and a diet and health one. Both of these I hope will help restart my brain but also help me gain confidence in myself and what I have and am achieving. Only I can make this happen - only I can see the 'glass half full' again.

Wish me luck.

Another sleepless night

I couldn't sleep again last night just hours and hours of restlessness surrounded by short hours of well, napping. By 5 am I got to that time when I am never sure whether to get up and just do something else or try and get some more sleep. I stayed in bed and haven't woken up until nearly 9 o'clock. I feel like I am wasting the days (although the weather is absolutely hideous so not sure what I can actually do with the day). Now I feel wasted, and low. I have that feeling that is imbedded inside of lowness - it will mean I am liable to cry at any moment and probably will.

I have decided to be a busy as possible today and then hopefully will sleep really well tonight. I have to as Friday night I work all night and have to stay awake.

Maybe it is having to stay awake one night a week that is doing this to me - I am not sure. Only one more month of one night a week then back to normal.

Lots of things going around in my head - and none of them constructive or creative.

But have started another book from my collection that feels like it is going to be a good read. That would mean the last 4 books I have read have been good (5 if you include my toilet book - Harold Pinter).

A poem I love

Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving, but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no, no, no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Stevie Smith
(September 20th 1902 - March 7th 1971)

I remember the first time I heard/read this poem and it just 'blew me away' and it still has an amazing impact on me. Some might say it has become a 'cliche' poem but not for me. The words mean so much to me in many ways, some that I can't even explain. I always want to read it out loud and let the words wash over me, each line, each word making me feel, making me think. I hope this is what poetry is supposed to be like, I know that this poem will always be wonderful to me and always mean so much. I guess I have answered my own questions.

52 Books for 2010

Thought you might find this interesting - I think it would be nice to just have the time to read a couple of them.